What is it for?

[Fulbright journey pt.2]

While revising my second draft for my statement of grant purpose, I found myself staring at my screen. There were seemingly countless comments and edits made by my incredibly helpful advisor. Although I knew that these criticisms were only there to push me and help me create a better version of my paper, I found myself asking:

"What am I doing this for?"

I had just finished up my summer classes, worked on my website, returned home from work, and was getting ready to start back up my second job as a research assistant. All of these things I take great pride in, but in that moment of self-doubt, I wondered if all of my efforts would result in something meaningful.

I believe that many of us who push ourselves expect to be rewarded in some manner. This can come in the form of appreciation from our peers, a job opportunity, or a scholarship, but none of these things are ever guaranteed. When we find ourselves in this position, I think it is important to ask if we would still pursue the things we are doing even if no one was watching. For me, I have always had an interest in problem-solving and learning. This is something I appreciate the most about the IT field.

Thinking back to my second draft, I decided that my ambition to push myself and the improvement in and of itself was the reward. I would be lying if I said that I don't still think about the prospect of conducting my research and the excitement that comes with it, but ultimately, even in a more minor way, the very act of trying is enough.

In the end, it's about the pursuit of knowledge and the fulfillment it brings. Understanding our motivations can shed light on why we strive for improvement and how we find meaning in our endeavors. The journey itself, with all its challenges and triumphs, is what shapes us and makes the effort worthwhile.

Reflecting on my journey, I realized that the pursuit of knowledge is not merely a means to an end but an end in itself. There is no grand reward for learning, the person you become after trying is all you'll truly have. What you do with yourself after depends on you.

I began to see parallels between my current experiences and the broader context of my academic and professional experiences. Throughout my journey, I have encountered numerous challenges and setbacks. Each time, I have had to muster the strength to continue, driven by an insatiable curiosity and a desire to contribute something to the world. This relentless pursuit has led me to the field of information technology, where the landscape is ever-changing, and the opportunities for learning are boundless.

In the realm of IT, the pace of innovation is rapid, and staying ahead requires a commitment to continuous learning. The challenges are complex, requiring not only technical skills but also creativity and critical thinking. This dynamic environment is where I thrive, finding joy in unraveling intricate problems and coming up with solutions.

The act of pushing oneself, of striving for improvement, is a journey of personal growth. It demands resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to embrace uncertainty. Each piece of constructive criticism, each revision, is a step towards a more refined and polished version of oneself. The process of refinement, whether it be in writing a grant statement or developing a new technology, is where true growth occurs.

The pursuit of knowledge is a collective effort. It is about contributing to a larger body of work, advancing our understanding, and making a difference in the world. My desire to work in cybersecurity, for example, is not just about protecting data but about safeguarding the integrity of our digital lives. It is about ensuring that the innovations we create are secure and reliable, fostering trust in the systems we rely on.

In this light, the motivation behind our efforts becomes clearer. It is not solely about the accolades or the tangible rewards but about the impact we can make. It is about the legacy we leave behind, and the knowledge we share. The Fulbright program, with its emphasis on cultural exchange and mutual understanding, embodies this spirit of collective pursuit. It offers a platform to not only further my own research but would allow me to contribute to a global dialogue on the preservation and accessibility of information.

No painting is never "the last painting" no new tech is ever the last of its kind and no draft of a resume or statment of purpose will be the last of its kind either. We are always moving, always improving and always doubting.

As I revise my statement of grant purpose, I am reminded of the broader significance of my work. My reserch is a chance to contribute to the preservation of cultural heritage, to ensure that future generations have access to the incredible history of the world. It is an opportunity to bridge the gap between technology and the humanities, using advancements in tech to protect our collective memory.

In moments of doubt, it is essential to reconnect with our underlying motivations. The pursuit of knowledge is a noble endeavor, driven by curiosity, passion, and a desire to make a difference. It is a journey that requires perseverance and a willingness to embrace the unknown. But it is also a journey filled with discovery, growth, and fulfillment.

Ultimately, the act of trying, of pushing oneself, is enough. It is through this process that we uncover our true potential and make meaningful contributions to the world. As I continue to revise my statement, I do so with a renewed sense of purpose, knowing that my efforts, regardless of the outcome, are part of my larger love for knowledge and understanding. The journey itself is the reward, and in that, I find satisfaction.

-Varlet